Note: This. Is. X-mas - C.R.A.C.K. - consider yourself warned!
It was inspired when for the umpteenth time a horrendously cheerily US Christmas song blared out of my radio. For days now we get plastered with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin and some ppls, I have no idea about who they are! What is written below is all their fault!
Morning of December 24, 1999
House of Sakurazuka Seishiro (recently deceased)
now occupied by Sumeragi Subaru (fledgling Sakurazukamori)
The door bell rang, playing a joyously silly melody that startled Subaru out of his musings.
In front of the door waited - not the Twin Star, as Subaru had expected somehow - but...
...a chubby-cheeked, notoriously cheerful guy from UPS.
"Mr. Sumeragi Subaru now at Sakurazuka residence?" he asked after checking his clipboard attentively.
"Y- yes?"
"Then this is for you." He pushed a large package wrapped in brown paper and plastered with stickers of Christmas trees, teddy bears, and gift parcels into his arms. Subaru stumbled and barely managed to keep it from hitting the floor. "If you would sign here, please?"
*
Five minutes later, Subaru sat in the middle of the living room in front of the opened package. Its content consisted of a neatly folded letter, a rather voluminous clothes' bag, and two packs of folded paper, each bound with red-and-green ribbons holding a tag. The tags were sawed out of wood in the form of pine trees and lacquered in green with a glittering gold number - 1 and 2 - in their midst.
Subaru blinked. The recently implanted left eye itched slightly as he took the letter that lay between the paper packs. He trembled slightly at the address on the envelope:
~To Sumeragi Subaru, Sakurazukamori.~
Who knows that already...?
Curiously - and slightly disturbed - he opened the envelope. Two sheets of paper slid out of it. The first was a standard, typed business letter with a strange, sleigh-like logo next to a fat written [N-P-E] on the top. It said:
To Mr. Sumeragi Subaru, Sakurazukamori,
With taking over the business of the recently deceased Sakurazuka Seishiro, we have to inform you, that you are also obliged to fulfill his secondary responsibilities in regard of business contract no. 1383617265-87652/B (Tokyo DownTown). Together with this notification you will find the necessary information and a brief introduction to your work written kindly by your predecessor.
We expect perfect service.
Regards, ...
The signature on the dotted line was unreadable. Underneath was typed: (on behalf of S.C. Inc.). Unfortunately, that didn't help Subaru much, so he turned to the second letter. It was handwritten in black ink on heavy pale-pink paper. His hands began to shake the moment he deciphered the first line:
Dear Subaru-kun,
You should have received the annual package already and are doubtlessly wondering what this is all about. Well, frankly, my family is running a nice franchise enterprise ever since the American occupation after World War II brought the tradition of Christmas to Japan with a vengeance. In case you are wondering, your new superior can't do everything by himself - after all this world has now nearly six billion inhabitants widely scattered across its surface - therefore he's been subcontracting most of the work in recent years to local authorities-
Subcontracting? Subaru blinked. Who's been subcontracting to the Sakurazukamori?
--such as me. The work is well-paid, has some nice benefits, such as protection from otherworldly authorities, and involves only about two busy days a year. I admit, the working clothes take some time to get used to, but that's nothing somebody like you, wearing shikifuku and all on a regular basis, can't cope with, and it also disqualifies you from receiving any Christmas gifts, because you are part of the company, but that's all. Please open the first list now.
With trembling fingers Subaru untied the ribbon of the first package of paper. What he found was a sheer endless list of names and addresses, each accompanied by a description of their heating system and a number between 1 and 1.024.
Seishiro's letter continued.
The number behind each name corresponds with one on the sacks you will find in the stable next to the reindeer boxes. Don't worry, Toya is a bit headstrong, but a good leader, only Yukito is a bit sluggish, you will have to slap him once or twice, to get his backside up to the rooftops. Tomoyo, Nadeshiko, Syaoran, and Fujitaka are no worries. Anyway, back to the lists. I suggest you sort the names by district and sack number, otherwise, you have too many unnecessary ways in between and won't make it in time. Now have a look at the second list, which is actually the relevant one. There are additional subcontractors for the first list, but the second one is all yours. So you have to make sure to finish that one, no matter what.
He unfolded the list of which the wood tag showed a glittering number 2. The paper fell down to the floor and rolled across half the room. Subaru stared at another list of names.
On the second list are the people who were not nice enough to see December 27. Your superior is rather keen on seeing them disposed until then, so I suggest you get into the suit and hurry, Subaru-kun. Otherwise, you won't be done on December 27. And - other than me - he is not the kind of person you would want to cross.
Love, Seishiro-san.
The paper of the letter crumpled between Subaru's hands. So he had received a Christmas gift...
...the sob came totally unexpected.
P.S.: Get out of your stupor. The Tree will need a bucket of bitters to cope with all the holiday food, and you should give it a nice sugar cane for dessert.
Subaru blinked. The radio activated, a famous American Christmas song blared through the deadly silent house:
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list,
Checking it twice;
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake...
Somehow, Subaru was convinced that Santa Claus, CEO of S.C. Inc. North Pole Enterprises, had had amber eyes...
Note:
p.s.: Merry Christmas!
p.p.s.: if you dare to celebrate it. ;)