<AKK> shall we call Jerrold in discussing his new show topic?
<AKK> and silence returned. in the distance the faint beeping of a camera bot arose, panning the empty seats of the auditorium, and the empty chairs on the podium. Apparently, the invited guests for this show have turned Jerrold Jumper down: the Queen of the Crown, Premier Dutch, and Spartos of Tarkon all had better things to do than sitting through a talkshow (even if they were allowed to psychocrystallize the audience afterwards). Maybe he should have chosen a less obvious title than "Tyrants in Private".
<Bruinhilda> Meanwhile, under the stage, a lone galaxy ranger, posted on a mission to "take out" certain invited quests, snores, having fallen asleep with no targets in sight.
<AKK> A rather daring atomic ant slowly crawls across his left boot.
<AKK> Murc H. Dogg, director and owner of Galaxy Tri-D, the channel that broadcasts 'the Jerrold Jumper show' finally moves his big, undertrained and overweight bulk to kick JJs butt back into oblivion. Zero quotes are bad business.
<Bruinhilda> In the dressing room, Jerrold Jumper slams his head against the wall, as he realizes he's finally out of a job. He resolves to run for political office, on the theory it's similar to talk show hosting...
<AKK> Only to be faced with some rather convincing gentlemen in ill-fitting grey business suits who tell him to do otherwise.
<Bruinhilda> Hence why he now appears on late-night infomercials shilling "enlarging" formulas.
<Bruinhilda> Sadly, his first customers, the Kirwin Basketball Team, ended up suing him for deceptive advertising...
<AKK> In his office, Eric Wheiner leans back in his chair, thinking bemused that the ISA once again proved it's worth. In their long time of cooperation they had had but one failure. He sighed, but somewhen even "the Walsh incident" would be corrected. Watching the late-night infomercials he wondered briefly if the advertised product actually might help his problem with his wife Janine. On the other hand, if he considered his daughter — he refused to think of his son, the galactical love priest -- he better left things as they were. That's safer.
<Bruinhilda> And light-years away, the Queen of the Crown switched over to "Designer Dictator" and helped herself to another bon-bon as she pondered the fate of the cable-tv bill collector in the dungeon.
<AKK> Would he still have enough fat to serve as fodder for Bruno, her mutant pet plago?
<Bruinhilda> Possibly, but Slade was back in her life (uuggghhh), and was convinced a bill collector would be the perfect subject for a super-assassian experiment...
<AKK> ...an experiment that utterly failed in her eyes. Though his increased convincing methods might prove useful in the SERO (Sorry End Recruiting Office).
<AKK> 'Designer Dictator' proved boring and she began zapping, catching a certain late night advertising, she wondered if it would be useful to order a six pack pf the stuff for Slade. Might make him a bit *more* interesting...
<Bruinhilda> Meanwhile, the snoozing galaxy ranger, having been bitten by numerous atomic ants, had grown to immense size and gained the ability to carry 50 times his own weight. While he was initially considered as an addition to the Series 5 team, he ultimately ended up leaving the rangers and pursuing a career as a New York Superhero.
<AKK> A choice the city immediately regretted the first time he needed to use a bathroom.
<Bruinhilda> King Spartos decided he was sick of being king of a place with no internet access and cable tv, and let his daughter overthrow him. He then moved to a retirement community in South Florida (the Submerged Estates...making a paradise of global warming since 2022).
<AKK> Only to discover that due to not totally closed cables the internet access undersea was sporadic at best. In the meantime, Maya got rid of the no-tech-policy and wifi-ed the whole planet. Her rule of 1-Tarkonian-1-Laptop & free music downloads proved exeptionally prosperous.
<AKK> the RIAA immediately stocked up on military goods, thus resolving the Tortunian household deficit.
<Bruinhilda> Seriously bored, Spartos found himself a new carrer...hosting a talk show.
<AKK> Under name "Sparky Spartos" he know interviews the rich and wealthy for the Murc H Dogg consortium.
<Bruinhilda> He is hoping to do a "Women of Action" episode soon, so he can invite Ranger Niko and ask her out after the show.
<AKK> A stray thought, that was unfortunately caught by a latent psi-talent, who immediately decided to convince him physically to return to his daughter's court as official advisor.
<AKK> Queen Maya on her side, wasn't too pleased about his return, since it rather reduced her ability to enjoy her free time with a certain visiting ranger.
<Bruinhilda> Wheiner's senatorial term and his attempt to run for Premier ended tragically in an encounter with New York's largest superhero, The MegaAnt.
<AKK> Or more precisely, Wheiner's armored limo drove down 1st avenue the moment MegaAnt needed the bathroom a second time for "big business".
<Bruinhilda> Rescue workers were not able to find him in time, citing the difficulting in determining the difference between Wheiner and what he was buried in.
<AKK> It is currently unclear whether the "AS" (atomic sh*t) dissolved the limo or the waste department accidentally bulldozed the limo together with it. Investigations are running.
<AKK> an astonishing amount of thank-you-letters on offical Beta Mountain letter paper arrived for Atomic Ant, mysterically, all were unsigned.
<Bruinhilda> Two days later, a large blonde galaxy ranger registered his candiacy for the office. He is expected to win in a landslide with his charismatic good looks, and the arsenal of weaponry he carries with him to debates.
<AKK> In addition his slogan is real keeper: "Hey, if Whinny could do it, everybody can do it!"
<Bruinhilda> Already, the organized crime surrounding politics has dropped a shocking 50%, as every special interest that attempted to lean on Candidate Gooseman found themselves either in jail or six feet under.
<AKK> The local funeral institutes are crushing under the load.
<AKK> except a certain foreign contractor: Queen's Insitute - fine finer carnflakes (carnivore flakes).
<Bruinhilda> Tortuna, meanwhile, has been host to the largest bachelor party ever seen, and expects the wedding to be even bigger. How Slade managed to finally win the Queen is the subject of much speculation amongst the criminal element (IE: 99% of Tortuna's population).
<Bruinhilda> It does, perhaps, have something to do with the new product Jerry Jumper shills: Atomic Ant's Awesome Enhancement Formula....
<AKK> Though insiders of the palace speculate about a new brand of carnflakes best sells being involved.
<Bruinhilda> In a more disturbing note, Maya's love of technology has reportedly gotten out of hand...she will wed Galaxy Ranger Buzzwang in a royal September ceremony. Until then, her former suitor is being held under guard so he will not be able to reprogramm the groom.
<AKK> Rusty is reportedly in tears. It is not known whether about the jailed suitor or the lost groom.
<AKK> betting is on.
<Bruinhilda> King Buzzwang the First has already delcared that his first act as King of Tarkon will be the legalization of human testing of cosmetic products. Palace insiders hint that such testing has already begun on royal prisoners.
<AKK> space peace's inner circle is severly divided over the discussion whether humans are after their agenda a lifeform worth protection or not .
<AKK> after all, if they protect the gonococcus, shouldn't they also protect it's primar host?
<Bruinhilda> "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaahhhhhhh!" Doc woke up, frantically scrubbing at imaginary lip gloss. The tri-d blithely continued playing Jerry Jumper's "Psycho Pets and the Women Who Marry Them". One flailing hand knocked the jar of spiced Kirwin pickles onto the remote, muting the program.
<Bruinhilda> Realizing where he was, Doc moaned and collasped back onto the couch.