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Garbage In, Garbage Out

(And We Do Mean Garbage)
by
A. Kniggendorf & E. Bales

Warning! This post is the product of two filthy minds. (But we're funny. -EB)
If this sort of content offends you, read no further. 

The outtakes I wrote were, um, inspired by some wild sound files that wander the Net – especially by a couple of particularly filthy ones that rolled off the tongue of Doug Preis, aka Goose. I don't know what Ann's excuse is. -EB 

I need no excuse! -AKK 


E. Bales: Outtakes we'd like to see

Walsh: Can't I trust you to complete a simple assignment? We had a whole security squad waiting at Longshot all afternoon! 
Zach: Sir! F*ck you very much, sir! 

Niko: Shane, could you like a girl like Maya? 
Goose: Nahh... but I'd like to screw you to the deckplates. How about it? 

Maya: Goose, you're so witty. 
Goose: Does that mean I can expect a blow job at the next rest stop? 

Walsh: You've got 24 hours before I call in the Space Navy. 
Niko: I have to wait 24 hours? 

Waldo: Zero gee just isn't natural! 
Zozo: Yeah, then how come there's so much of it? 
             <push> 
Waldo: Aahh! Unhand me, you little Kiwi sh*t! 

Niko: What are you? 
Scarecrow: I am as beyond you as you are of the insects! 
Niko: You're Barney? 

Goose: We'll have to jam-sync the hypershunts! 
Doc: Ooh, I love it when you talk like that! 

A. Kniggendorf: 101 positions not allowed in an Explorer 

No, sir. I will not explain why I missed the Crown destroyer on the mainscreen. 

I assure, that are not fingerprints on the compscreen. – Toeprints? I wore boots, sir! 

Sorry, I didn't have the handcuffs ready. – My hands? Well, they weren't free, either. 

No, the second seat wasn't occupied at that moment. 

We immobilized a slaverlord? – Ah yes, we were in need of a fresh sheet. 

Uhm... My back was towards the front screen. Why? There was an urgent repair. – During a flight?! – It was my pleasure, sir. 

Ranger Niko, why didn't you notice?! – Ranger Gooseman's not transparent, sir. 

Then how come the board cannons were fired?! – That was a mistake. – A mistake?! You saved Earth! – I grabbed the wrong joystick. 

How do you consider your mission? – Satisfactory, sir.

© Copyright Ann-Kathrin Kniggendorf - All Rights Reserved