rooms to rent, all inclusive.
an inconvenient relative?
A deadbeat roommate?
ex-boyfriend who just won't leave you alone?
place looks crumpled?
Your neighborhood sucks?
paranoid about the wonderful spybots?
BY GOD! You ran out of
We'll connect you to the dealer of
for just 5.67 Crowns/sec. ~AKK
fines that need fixing?
Tickets you don't want to pay?
murder to cover up?
Call 555-BRIBE and we will take care of
in own affairs:
TTV Spot news
Well paid, highly regarded, free lodging and
Average life expectancy: 1 show.
Apply at... ~AKK
neighborhood has humans?
Call Exterminate Inc.!
catch, bind, and hand them over to the authorities
50% of the reward. ~AKK
Birds Inc. : our birdbrains are the best! ~Trivia
the Forces! Adventures throughout the Galaxy!
Armor, free flights, and Royal employer all inclusive!
Crown reward for information leading to the capture of
TTV anchorperson Jujub Horkinak. (one of them got away) ~Trivia
Whoever withholds knowledge about
commits a major offence and faces eternal wrath
of the Queen
(to be spent in a comfortable private booth.
visit the psychocrypt
for a personal experience of our
improved comfort). ~AKK
Excellent medical benefits!
Apply Room 21325,
West Wing, Royal Palace.
Gherkins and humans preferred.
a hand (or a whole being to do the job)?
take orders up to 5000 entities. ~AKK
sale: Full equipment for earth-style rock band.
quality instruments. Slightly used.
Comes with free
complimentary video of Eve Wheiner's band. ~Trivia
(males only) Excellent gratification.
physique a necessity.
Apply Room 6-69. (appropriate clothing
available at location) ~AKK
Bell: Run for the Border! ~Trivia
of routine tortures?
We go for the *specials*
1) a slaverlord, the slightly different
2) how to bribe crown agents properly
mannerisms of spydroids
4) psychocrypt ettiquette
5) how to
avoid traffic jams while lying dead.out with drugs in the
6) make money! catch humans! We show you how!
sensible crowntrooper - a being like you and me
hygiene: how to deal with spydroids, tunnels, and humans. ~AKK
an enemy that no one will take on?
Call Killbane Inc. and
we'll take them out. ~Trivia
some flair, some grandeur, some magic?
Call Mogul, court
magician extraordinnaire ~AKK
5.000 crowns for the critter's head who posted the last ad. ~AKK
hands for your business?
enhanced versions in stock! ~AKK
Will pay top dollar ~Trivia
Bird Malfunctions? Not with us!
Call BrainBirdCo. (Royal
Let's learn in 10 easy steps how to work
properly with the spongefish-95 model.
that lovely lilac glow?
Get Superba Cosmetics and get the
Royal treatment. ~Trivia
need of tamed men?
Want to add royal glamour to your
Consort Inc. - *the* dating agency! ~AKK
Our top specialists will show you how to best
conceal it from your subjects.
Call 555-GO-BALDY! ~Bruinhilda
for the head of the Baldy Hair Replacement Co. Body optional.
Sightseeing throughout the Empire.
Call your travel agent right NOW.
WITH US: Humans - the other white meat. ~AKK
that annoying person in your life gone?
HitMen R Us! For all
your extermination needs.
Call 555-REAPER ~Bruinhilda
Government repossessions and surplus equipment.
cybersteeds, memory birds, crown troopers all sold to the highest
Saturday, October 12, viewing starts 7 a.m., bidding
starts at noon. ~Trivia
stuff? Need money?
Go blackmarkets! The only address with
consent of the palace! ~AKK
information the Crown wants?
Don't want to attract the
attention of the crown troopers?
reports to the Crown without the hassle, for only 25% of the
in a dead end job? Going no where fast?
Then see your Crown
trooper Recruiter Today!
We're looking for a few expendable
We provide coverage against fire, flood,
psychocrystalization, and so much more!
companies? Annoying superiors?
Call Kill'em Inc. The easier
way up. ~AKK
life's no fun? Your wife's gone?
Humans burned your
The troopers found your tunnel?
Don't give up!
PSYCHAM shows you *the productive way ahead*!
whoever it was who ratted me out to the Rangers:
I did not
appreciate having the Runt kick down my door and shoot up my
When I get my hands on you I will show you exactly
Killbane Inc. is the nastiest elimination agency in Crown
a tech genius?
You aren't afraid to take risks?
You like to
dwell at high places?
Call 555-PALACE - we might use you. ~AKK
you go out on the town, you want people to know who you are.
want people to treat you with respect.
You want Obsession for
Tyrants. The scent of power. ~Bruinhilda
All levels of Crown Fleet personnel, including
navigators, programmers, communications,
and weapons techs. ~Trivia
log on at cannonfodder.com
20 minutes work, 1 month's pay!
Free food and
Call 555-CRYPTME ~AKK
to look like a Queen?
Come to Capes-R-Us. ~Trivia
your picture taken with Elvis!
Visit Madame Toussaud's
Hogokuk's late night talk:
secret desires of the Queen!
Date and Place secret. Stay
UNCENSORED FOOTAGE FROM THE QUEEN'S BOUDOIR!
Not for the
weak-stomached or children. ~Trivia
sadly reports the sudden decease of it's senior stuff. ~AKK
All positions available. apply NOW!
at the same time on
that's not all, call now and we'll throw in an offspring of
MOTHMOOSE OF KIRWIN! That's right, for only 49.95 crowns,
you the X-Factor genetic enhancing agent, a
gelatinous henchman, a
floating holder for your brain and an
offspring of the MOTHMOOSE OF
offspring available on first come, first serve basis. Crown
not liable for mutations, side effects and mishaps due to the use
X-Factor (heck, we threw in the brain holder didn't we,
now, supplies are limited!"