rated  R  for
adult content

Garbage In, Garbage Out
(And We Do Mean Garbage)

A. Kniggendorf & E. Bales

Warning! This post is the product of two filthy minds. (But we're funny. -EB)
If this sort of content offends you, read no further.

The outtakes I wrote were, um, inspired by some wild sound files that wander the Net – especially by a couple of particularly filthy ones that rolled off the tongue of Doug Preis, aka Goose. I don't know what Ann's excuse is. -EB

I need no excuse! -AKK

E. Bales: Outtakes we'd like to see

Walsh: Can't I trust you to complete a simple assignment? We had a whole security squad waiting at Longshot all afternoon!
Zach: Sir! F*ck you very much, sir!

Niko: Shane, could you like a girl like Maya?
Goose: Nahh... but I'd like to screw you to the deckplates. How about it?

Maya: Goose, you're so witty.
Goose: Does that mean I can expect a blow job at the next rest stop?

Walsh: You've got 24 hours before I call in the Space Navy.
Niko: I have to wait 24 hours?

Waldo: Zero gee just isn't natural!
Zozo: Yeah, then how come there's so much of it?
Waldo: Aahh! Unhand me, you little Kiwi sh*t!

Niko: What are you?
Scarecrow: I am as beyond you as you are of the insects!
Niko: You're Barney?

Goose: We'll have to jam-sync the hypershunts!
Doc: Ooh, I love it when you talk like that!

A. Kniggendorf: 101 positions not allowed in an Explorer

No, sir. I will not explain why I missed the Crown destroyer on the mainscreen.

I assure, that are not fingerprints on the compscreen. – Toeprints? I wore boots, sir!

Sorry, I didn't have the handcuffs ready. – My hands? Well, they weren't free, either.

No, the second seat wasn't occupied at that moment.

We immobilized a slaverlord? – Ah yes, we were in need of a fresh sheet.

Uhm... My back was towards the front screen. Why? There was an urgent repair. – During a flight?! – It was my pleasure, sir.

Ranger Niko, why didn't you notice?! – Ranger Gooseman's not transparent, sir.

Then how come the board cannons were fired?! – That was a mistake. – A mistake?! You saved Earth! – I grabbed the wrong joystick.

How do you consider your mission? – Satisfactory, sir.


Bureau of Extra-Terrestrial Affairs